Dollman (AKA MicroCop)

The Details:
Director: Albert Pyun
Written by: Charles Band/Chris Roghair/David Pabian
Runtime: 79 mins
Country: USA
Tagline: "Thirteen inches... with an attitude
Production Company: Full Moon Productions

The Review:
When a picture opens with the Full Moon Production logo, you know you're in for it. What exactly "it" is is anybody's guess. Full Moon Entertainment generally pushes wild concepts that play out as truly original on-screen antics. Not to say that they aren't insanely derivative. They very often cash in on the most recent and successful genre picture, but they are definitely unique, to say the least, by mainstream film standards. So to see that moon float up onto the screen screams "buckle the hell up for some quintessential B fun."

In Dollman, we have Tim Thomerson playing Brick Bardo who's a hardened hero with a preposterously powerful pistol, the 596.8 Ruger. It is widely known to be the most powerful handgun in the universe (you read it right) and can easily separate a man's head from his body or his ass from his colon.

During an interstellar pursuit, Brick gets pulled into a wormhole of some kind and winds up on a planet full of violent, power-mad giants in the midst of all out war. Namely, The South Bronx. He encounters a wholesome and determined woman and they team up to restore order to their dangerous, gang-ridden area of the city.

War of the Worlds (The War To End All Wars)

The Details:
Directed by: Timothy Hines
Also Known As: Classic War of the Worlds
Runtime: 179!!!
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Certification: USA: R

The Review:
What can I say about Timothy Hines' take on the H. G. Wells classic? It B's all it can B.

This retelling premiered alongside 2 other War of the Worlds releases, neither of which seem to live up to the original 1953 adaptation. Both of the low budget takes share a 2.9 (at this time) on the internet movie database, and the gluttonously budgeted, holocaustly overtoned Spielberg production leveled off at a 6.7. The original has withstood the test of time and remains at a glowing 7.2. Although these numbers aren't a definitive view of whether or not a film is well made, they do, from time to time, help me sleep better at night with the hopes that entertainment might not

Alien Apocalypse

The Details:
Director: Josh Becker
Runtime: 88 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Sound Mix: Dolby Digital
Certification: USA:TV-14

The Review:
Claiming to be the "highest rated (more ambiguity, please) sci-fi pictures original of all-time!", Alien Apocalypse is an enjoyable and surprisingly expansive low-budget creature feature. It has strong influences from Planet of the Apes, having a nearly identical plot setup, and also some of the stronger themes found in Bruce Campbell's most commercially successful film, Army of Darkness. Competently directed by Josh Becker, who has gained some acclaim for his no-nonsense filmmaking, it comes very close to rising out of it's b-movie status, were it not for the cartoonily (so I just made it up... so what?) obvious voice-over work and periodic cheese-ball acting from the Bulgarian locals. Also, Sci-Fi pictures had a hand in lowering this picture into the seedy dungeon that is: the B-movie, as they had nearly complete control over the pacing, as well as free reign to manipulate some essential plot reveals.

A quick summary might go a little like this: Doctor Ivan Hood is dropped into a future overrun by emotionless grasshopper-like alien baddies and embarks on a quest to locate the President of the United States and assist his efforts to free the human race from enslavement.

The cinematography is, from time to time, well handled and pulls the legitimacy of the whole movie up with it. But, when the characters within that frame are wearing beards and wigs that look as if they were made for a 3rd grade christmas play, it's a little hard to take the whole thing seriously. This movie has some genuinely hilarious and frequently original and meaningful dialogue, however. Couple that with the lines being shot from the hip of B legend Bruce Campbell, and Xena alum Reneé O'Connor, and you end up with a movie that is fit to B-tied.