Director: Alan Roberts
Runtime: 91 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Certification: USA:R
The Review:
Karate Cop is the most unlikely of sequels. One of the most blatantly bland excuses for an action move I'd ever seen somehow produces a semi-hilarious B action flick that I am extremely glad to have in my library? I would never have guessed.
The last cop on Earth, John Travis, is back for another go-round as an unlucky hero who clings to his former career, even though the rest of the planet has fallen to pieces and has become a world where only the strong survive. The young and the weak are prayed upon by thugs and gangsters, bent on controlling what's left of the planet, and having as much sadistic fun as they can in the process. After an hilariously heroic introduction, Travis is tasked with protecting several dozen children, the last in a cityscape filled with dangerous gang lords who would quickly snap the neck of even the smallest child to satisfy their thirst for mayhem.
Their only hope of escaping this apocalyptic hell? A transporter, probably invented way back in the year 1999, that can instantaneously send them hundreds of miles away to safety. It's up to our hero to collect the main element in the mechanism, a crystal shard used to focus a powerful beam of light into the transporter chamber. Travis must face off against religious fanatics, bombs, booby traps, uzis, AND David Carradine, who, of course, delivers an amazing performance as a disreputable Omega Bar Tender.
I'd like to take this opportunity to discuss the "you go ahead, I'll catch up/martyr" scenario. The idea, as noble as it may be, is nearly always debunked by the following action: the fleeing hero who inevitably turns around 10-15 feet down the path and yells "don't do this! we need you!", or something of the like. Add this to the amount of time it takes the martyr to convince that person to go ahead without them, and you've easily eaten up a minute and a half that you could have both spent running for your lives.
John Travis may also be an Omega Poet and he didn't even Omega Knowit, as he spouts out glorious one-liners such as "I knew things were going too well to be easy!" And, after dispatching a particularly nasty boss, Travis proclaims: "Assholes to ashes, dictators to dust." Seeing that alone is worth the price of shipping and handling.
Karate Cop starts off the story with a bang, and for all it's budgetary shortcomings, kept me glued to the screen. I was waiting for the next pure 90s one-liner, the next horribly out of focus camera shot, the next pathetically delivered line uttered by the lead actress, Carrie Chambers, who's stunning film career is quite simply the stuff of legends. Her performance resembles a high school play actor, putting on a lively portrayal of a middle school play actor.
The film is enhanced with a glorious B synth score, the likes of which I haven't heard since the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon series. Boss battles, futuristic technology, trucker hats, magical crystals, slave girls, dirt bikes (back when they were the shit), executions, explosions, muscles, mohawks, faithful canine companions, and boatloads of heroic deeds make Karate Cop one of my favorite films that I've reviewed.
Is it a good movie? hell naw. Is it worth a measily 2 bucks? You'll feel like you've gotten away with murder.
THE CHAMPION: A giant Mad Max-style gladiator.
DVD MENU: As 90s as they come.
JACK RABBIT STEW: Travis knows better.
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