B Is For Brains: Hammerhead

The Details:
Directed By: Michael Oblowitz
Release Date: 18 June 2005 (USA)
Tagline: Half Man. Half Shark. Total Terror
Also Known As: Hammerhead (USA) (DVD box title), SharkMan (International: English title)
MPAA: Rated R for violence.
Runtime: 92 min / Germany:88 min (DVD version)
Country: Aruba / USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Certification: Germany:18 / Netherlands:16 / USA:R

The Review:
Sharks have always held a special place in my heart. In fact, I have a vivid memory of the very first picture I ever drew that I was happy with: A wholesome little crayon piece detailing a shark sinking its teeth into a helpless recreational swimmer. At that moment I knew I wanted to be an artist.

Now, some twenty or so years later, when I see a movie called Hammerhead I just can't help but snag it off the shelf. Call me sick, but I had a severe craving for some grisly shark attack mania solely for the sake of a few laughs...

But were the laughs delivered? Yes, yes they were.

Hammerhead is not the typical Jaws ripoff like one would expect. The plot revolves around a mad scientist named Dr. King played appropriately by B-God Jeffrey Combs. His poor son was diagnosed with cancer, so naturally the only solution was to fuse his son's stem cells with those of a hammerhead shark and transform him into an ugly-as-hell-but-cancer-free-half-man-half-shark-beast-thing! It's logical, really...when you sit and think about it...

To Dr. King's dismay, a group of scientists come to his private island on a mission to shut down his dastardly operation. Hammy The Shark-Man gets out, and his scraggly teeth begin sinking into anyone and everyone as they scramble for survival! Any more plot explanation than this is completely unnecessary. This IS a SciFi Channel original movie, after all.

Now Hammerhead doesn't really have a great looking monster. In fact, Hammy The Shark-Man looks incredibly cheap. He goes from being a guy in an ultra stiff rubber suit to a much-too-fluid CG disaster with the flick of a switch. Hammerhead also doesn't have a decent script, decent acting (save for our hero, played by William Forsythe!) or a decent original death scene.

SPOILER WARNING: But it does have a bloody half-human-half-shark fetus, a bad guy looking through a scope that doesn't exist, the same bad guy walking through a maze of body parts like it ain't no thang, a helicopter with 666 plastered on the side for no apparent reason, a "hero" that shoots bad guys in the back, a rich prick that crashes into a tree and can only say "Uuh," and a slow-motion explosion that is about as poorly executed as possible. END SPOILERS

The best part is that all these great little moments and more are scattered comfortably throughout the movie, making it an entertaining watch from start to finish. It may not be much, but it isn't supposed to be a remake of Citizen Kane. It's a movie about a half-man-half-shark that eats people. Take it for what it's worth and you won't be disappointed!