Omega Cop

The Details:
Director: Paul Kyriazi
Runtime: 90 min
Language: English
Color: Color
Format: Full Frame
Sound Mix: Stereo
Certification: USA:NR

The Review:
As I looked over the horribly designed Omega Cop cover (not the one you see here), I was pleasantly surprised to find out that Adam West was going to help keep me entertained for the next hour and a half in a film that, for the first time since I can remember, I actually wished I was watching on VHS and not DVD.

I was extremely hopeful that Omega Cop was going to rock serious shlock because we find out very quickly that our lead, martial artist Ron Marchini, A: can't act for crap, B: is named Travis (an action hero named Travis!), C: digs 60s surfer music. Couple that with the title flashing across the screen atop a freeze frame of Marchini, accompanied by a synthesized kick to the ears, and you've got yourself a true recipe for B-saster.

As the story goes, Travis is one of the last cops living in a desolate, polluted future, hence the title. He is accompanied by several of the toughest lookin future Cops you'll ever see... for less than 10 minutes. Early on, Travis' entire company is wiped out because, well, because his plan for getting the jump on an Omega Brothel and it's 45 armed guards is to leap onto a stage in front of everyone and fire his gun into the air. Somehow that doesn't seem to pan out, as the bloodthirsty Omega Thugs surround Travis' entire crew by... erm... standing completely still.


I quickly realized that this is Travis' only form of attack. I have a feeling the famous nursery rhyme would not have become so, had it actually gone; "Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jumped straight on top of the candle stick and burned to death cuz he's an Omega Idiot."

From this point on, Travis is on a devoted and passionate mission to track down the men who killed his... wait... no, Travis tries his best to return to his home base and.... no... Travis... kinda... kinda drives around from place to place encountering and then rescuing young women making sure that he doesn't discover new things or learn new lessons along the way. He does run a lot though, in boots!. And that's got to count for something.

Here's an example of our hero's cunning and as-yet unheralded stealth abilities: while driving down the deserted roads of Omega City in his Omega Jeep, he spies some thugs that could potentially lead him to the enemy hideout. Naturally, he instantly engages in silent pursuit tactics and tracks the would be fools for what seems like several miles on foot, er.. in boots. Then, just as the group begins to grow weary of being completely unaware of him, he springs a surprise attack that I'm sure will be talked about for at least 4 millennia. He runs up behind them and goes "hey!".

Needless to say, the man we're supposed to cheer for never does anything clever, let alone mildly intelligent. He simply progresses from one encounter with Stranded 80s Omega Chicks to another. All the while he volleys playful banter with his stubborn boss back in the bunker, Adam West (over his Omega CB).

The movie is filled with awesomely moronic badness and a great synth soundtrack. The performances in Omega Cop are as uninspired as they can be. Rarely is a movie so absolutely loaded with such an unending supply of extras that simply read their lines seconds before the director says "action".

Omega Cop is the perfect movie for anyone who wants to know why Die Hard, Commando, and The Running Man are so fantastic.





CHASES: Sequences that rival turtle races.
ADAM WEST: <--Look over there at that name!
PRICE: One dollar at Wal-Mart... beat THAT.