Skinned Deep

The Details:
Directed by: Gabriel Bartalos
Runtime: 97 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color (DeLuxe)
Certification: USA:R / Germany:18 / UK:18

The Review:
This gem of a B-dazzling B-movie is initially a re-hash of classics much like Texas Chainsaw Massacre. A group of travelers is welcomed into a freaky slasher country-house by a seemingly benign granny lady. Once they're sufficiently deep within the crazy-pit all hell breaks loose and the weirdies come out of the woodwork slashing, biting, and.. plate-throwing?

Yes, you heard right. There is a character in this movie named Plates. He is so aptly named because of a unique ability to buff and launch his porcelain discs at high velocities. Plates is played by the science-fiction and horror veteran Warwick Davis, the only actual actor in the film that has been in a movie anyone on the planet is familiar with, not that that is a prerequisite to being in a B movie by any means. This silly, nonsensical little lunatic is one of several enjoyable and unique characters littered throughout Skinned Deep.


Although the film has another character named Brain, who has a head the size of a german shepherd, the film does not actually show signs of any brains. Aside from possessing a grade of acting that is obscenely far below B, probably something like negative pound sign, the characters mental capacities are what brings this film down. Now, horror films require that their victims are sometimes dumb. In general, the hero is the only one who has any signs of cells upstairs. Skinned Deep contains dozens of mindless walking lumps of gore-potential. These people are beyond idiotic, beyond illogical, and beyond all reason. When first welcomed into the dining room of their future murderers, they are presented with a character who is wearing, on top of goggles and a pair of metal chompers resembling a cartoon bear trap, the amputated face of his previous victim. If you can't imagine how absurd this looks, picture a person with a watermelon over their head and a picture of Mr. Miyagi taped to it.

Our travelers buy this "disguise" at close proximity hook, line, and sinker. The empty-headed, gum-chewing mother even appears to fancy him. This is one of the many instances where quickly paced and disorienting editing, as well as feeble attempts at humor, must be used to cover up glaring situational, story, and blocking oversights. Also, the writers must have prayed that baboons would be the only audience seeing this movie because only baboons would believe that a person who is handed a pound and a half of raw meat on a strip of craft paper by complete strangers would gladly accept it as he would a sirloin on fine china.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed this film experience. At certain points, this movie seems to be right on target with it's over-the-top, random humor. SMALL SPOILER! During a battle sequence near the film's end, senior citizens who have been planted with bombs are being blown up one by one. One of the elderly fellows witnesses the destruction of his best friend's head. We then witness a CG zoom that passes through his rib cage and into his chest cavity where we are treated to the inexplicable explosion, we're talkin' Death Star-style, of his heart. SPOILER OVER! This type of comedic, scream-out-loud brilliance is randomly peppered throughout the film. The gore is great, as are several of the computer generated effects (not so much the exploding heart shot...). Head and limb removal shots are particularly good.

I have to say, despite all of it's logic-defying flaws, and mind-numbing performances, Skinned Deep holds a special place in my heart. It managed to show me at least half a dozen gore-tastic things that this B-reviewer would never have even conceived of, and my hat is therefore off. But, I wouldn't dream of spoiling any of them for you. And, as an added bonus, the end credits caused such an agonizing array of emotions inside me that I couldn't begin to relay it with words.

For loads of screenshots, gather up the dim-witted family and head over here.



BATTLE ROYALE: The legend that is: Shakes vs Plates!!!
NUDITY: The best kind, the kind that gets people arrested.
EXECUTIONS: Death by sand? Believe it... Or don't.