The Terror Within

The Details:
Directed by: Thierry Notz
Runtime: 90 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Sound Mix: Stereo
Certification: Australia:M / UK:18 / USA:R

The Review:
I guess if someone produces hundreds and hundreds of movies it isn't fair to assume that every single one is going to be great, or even decent. There's bound to be a total flop in the mix at some point, and that my friend is the story of The Terror Within.

A plague has swept over mankind. A team of military scientists with modified brown thrift-store overalls (complete with id tags that list first, not last names) reside in an underground bunker. Apparently since they're out in the middle of the Mojave desert where nobody would be anyway we're supposed to get the feeling that they are some of the last remaining people on earth. On the surface are some vicious gargoyles...or uh...they're actually mutated humans...No wait, they just called them gargoyles! But aren't gargoyles mythological creatures that ward off evil from man made structures? Hell, no matter what they are, they are men in pathetic, unimaginative rubber suits with oversized alligator masks that are completely separate from their bodies. The mutants are also determined to mate with the only surviving women. All 3 of them.

Obviously, any chance of originality in the storyline is out the window. One would think that even though the scenario might be a blatant ripoff of past films that they would at least keep the audience entertained with some good gore or decent laughs. Nope, we get neither, and it's truly disappointing.


The Terror Within's biggest flaw is without a doubt its creature. I'm going to give it the nickname "Scratchy." I'm giving it this nickname because it obviously can't move its mouth, and therefore can't take a bite into anybody, so it just scratches people a lot. My buddy darfnader and I were moaning every single time this atrocious p.o.s was on screen. To make matters worse, it seems as though the actors are doing their damndest to try and sell the idea that they are genuinely terrified of Scratchy. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for bad special effects, in fact I love them...but this is a perfect example of where I draw the line between bad-bad and good-bad. If the creature in your movie sucks, have the sense to realize it! Exploit its crappiness, give us a healthy amount of laughs, give us some ridiculous gore and death scenes, do anything you can to make us want to continue watching! Otherwise, this is what you end up with. A dull, lifeless forgettable piece of film that even the most die-hard B-Movie fans will despise.

We don't even get a decent main character to root for. At first they give the impression that they are going to be a bunch of bad asses with their near-mullet haircuts and sleeveless overalls, but when it comes down to actually confronting Scratchy they end up turning into a whiney bunch of babies. It's not funny whining either, it's genuinely annoying.

Also, the weapons the crew has to work with are some of the worst you will ever see. The "hero" if you want to call him that wields a crossbow - practical for a futuristic, claustrophobic setting right? The other members have surgical lasers that look like they were thrown together at the last minute because the prop-guy misplaced the real ones. If the movie didn't take itself so damn seriously these things would be hilarious. Instead, they are only laughable because any joe-schmoe with an hour to spare could build something better.

The only reason I'm not going to give this movie the lowest possible rating is because some of the dialog was so pathetic it was hilarious. Examples below. Don't worry, they won't spoil anything!

Neil: "This government issue shit is for the birds!"

David: "Alright, it's gonna work."
Andre: "Maybe."
David: "You rather go up there?"
Neil: "Maybe."
David: "You always gotta repeat everything he says?"
Neil: "May...FUCK YOU!"

Andre: "I wouldn't go out there to find them if they tripled my pay...assuming there's anybody left to sign paychecks."
Neil: "That SUCKS!"

Linda: "The girl...it's like her pregnancy is in fast forward! Last night, she was three months pregnant. This morning, when I checked her, I'd swear she was seven or eight months along."
Neil: "..............................That's not good."

Neil: "I can't believe Hal wants to keep this thing alive."
Andre: "You should know by now. Nothing stops science."

And lastly, this little clip between Neil, Linda and Andre is so fantastic and intelligence-insulting you just have to hear it for yourself!

In the end, only watch this movie if it happens to be on tv and you really have nothing better to do. Don't worry about missing anything in a tv-edited version because there are no must-sees in the gore department, and there certainly isn't a drop of nudity. Roger Corman...you're a bad ass but maybe you shouldn't have slapped your name onto this one.




DIALOG: Quite a few pathetic lines to laugh at.
BILLY RAY CYRUS: I didn't know he was in movies!
SCRATCHING?: It's physically all Scratchy can do.