Directed by: John Lechago
MPAA: Rated R for strong sexual content, violence/gore and language.
Runtime: 87 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Certification: USA:R
The Review:
Thank the God I don't even know exists for beautiful goth-girls with extensive tattoos and Bettie Page hairstyles. If this sounds like you, I'm available and would love it if you sent me a message...
Ok, time to get to business. Blood Gnome is about a Crime Scene Photographer that has plenty of work lined up for him. A recent string of bloody murders have been occurring in the local BDSM/Bloodsport underground. Through the use of an old recalled camcorder with infrared capabilities, he is the only one that is able to see who-or actually what-is causing all of the mayhem. So what is it? Why blood gnomes of course, stiff little rubber puppets with an insatiable craving for flesh!
The blood gnomes are actually the minions of a manly-muscle-bound dominatrix who feeds her victims to the blood gnome queen (which looks like a giant vagina) that simply lives in a shitty crate. It doesn't end there either, the dominatrix also extracts a mucous-ee substance from the queen and runs it as a drug called "X Times 10." Sound awful? Yep, it sure is, and that's why it deserves a review here at bisforbrains.com.
The gore throughout Blood Gnome is pretty convincing, especially for such a shoe-string budget production. The gnome creatures are terribly bad, though it is fun to see their stiff little bodies jet around and wreak havoc. The acting is mostly flat, but the overacting by Vinnie Bilancio as Daniel is a hoot, especially when he's trying to convince everyone that the blood gnomes are behind everything. However, what really makes this movie shine is Melissa Pursley as Divinity. Wowza! Cupid is gonna have to buy a new quiver of arrows because he just unloaded all of them on yours truly!
Basically, when it's all said and done, the only reasons to watch this movie are for the nudity, BDSM and Melissa Pursley's heavenly presence. Hopefully, we'll get to see more of her in the future, as long as she isn't too busy being a Hair Stylist. But hey, more power to her!
BDSM: Makes for a conservatively swell good-time.
NUDITY: Plenty of it, and Melissa Pursley gets topless!
GORE: Pretty bloody, nothing to write home about.
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