Thursday, February 22, 2007

Revenge of the Rats (Ratten Sie Werden Dich Kriegen)


revengeoftherats

The Details:
Directed by: Jörg Lühdorff
Runtime: Germany: 98 min / USA: 104 min
Country: Czech Republich / Germany
Language: German / English (US dvd)
Color: Color
Sound Mix: Stereo
Certification: Germany: 12 / USA:PG-13

The Review:
Sigh... Revenge of the Rats is a German-made, perfectly A-typical "Attack of the _______" thriller. The plot is as follows: Rats infest city on a garbage strike, inhabitants struggle with the disease-filled rodents. Although this movie has the advantage of instilling a bit more immediacy due to it's realistic antagonist (aka it's got rats instead of mutant crabs or giant rabbits), it's only marginally better than your average straight-to-vid. If this is the first of it's kind for you, then you'll probably think it's pretty darn entertaining. Because you are 11. For the rest of us who have seen this archetype many, many times, there isn't much intrigue. But, let's sift through the mounting heaps of garbage, avoiding the terminal rat-bites, and see what we can salvage.


Beyond the fact that the camera crew REALLY knew what they were doing, there isn't much happening. Our lead is an Average Joe who risks life and limb for the right cause. The B story (no pun intended) involves a beautiful, aspyring doctor desperately seeking a cure while the sick come pouring in through her hospital door. The voice-over work (for the english dvd) is so-so. It's not bad enough to giggle at, so it doesn't lend itself to our usual ridicule. There are a few hilariously pathetic scenarios that will, in the very least, cause you to scratch your head... then promptly guffaw. The effects of RotR are very well done. Although it isn't loaded with the typical hollywood effects that shriek "look at me, I'm a huge, badass special effect", it does have several excessive camera moves which transport us to another scene via walls / air ducts (usually containing the tiny titular marauding mammals, but, oddly, sometimes not).

Revenge of the Rats, as I've said, is a giant knock-off of the plethora of movies in which our leads inevitably end up crawling around in oversized ducts with flame-throwers and tracking devices. But, simply because it's set in another country, it all seems rather fresh. Most foreign films contain various social colloquialisms that may fascinate or confuse us, and the hundreds of directorial choices surrounding performances, editing, special effects, even the treatment of gore and nudity, will all have a slightly different take.

Okay, enough about the goods, let's get to the bads (why bisforbrains exists). Revenge of the Rats is simply overflowing with the most unbelievable scientific leaps and bounds since, in King Kong vs. Godzilla, the electricity severely damaged Godzilla, but somehow made Kong stronger.

Here are some delightful facts you will learn about our furry friends while watching Revenge of the Rats:

RAT FACT™ 1: You cannont simply poison a rat. "They will become instantly immune."

RAT FACT™ 2: During various nuclear detonations, it has been discovered that Rats are the only creatures unaffected by the fallout. Duh.

RAT FACT™ 3: A rat never forgets. His memories are past down generation to generation. "Science."

RAT FACT™ 4: Without being prompted, a rat will sometimes venture up to the surface, enter an electrical box, and sever the connections that allow the stop lights to function properly. Upon completion of said task, the rat will immediately return to the sewers and continue acting like a normal rat while cars crash in slow-motion.

RAT FACT™ 5: If you shine a flashlight into a cavern teeming with rats, you won't necessarily see them. However, if you simply walk down a 15 foot stairway and look again, you will suddenly see and hear thousands of the little buggers.

RAT FACT™ 6: While running from an explosive, if you hear it detonate in your vicinity be sure to stop, and take the time to remove both your radio headset and glasses before escaping the blast by diving into liquid. Safety first, kids.*

RAT FACT™ 7: Several hundred rats running down a corridor do not actually sound anything like putting your ear up to a bowl of rice krispies. They do however, sound like a team of 5,000 horses.

Laughable logic aside, the film will only keep about half of you entertained on your own. But, if you gather up a few B-minded buddies, it should manage to keep you MSTK'ing all the way till the credits role, phenominally slowly as they do.

*this RAT FACT™ only applies when the explosives are intended to destroy rats.



GORE: They do nothing more than crawl over corpses.
FIRST RODENT PUT TO REST: With a flair gun in a toilet.
ASK A MARINE: "D'you have C4 in your car?" - "Of course."

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